Best Divorce Letter Ever!!!!

Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve
been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These
last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the
last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of
silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you
don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either
you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case,
I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is
a far cry from what you’ve been.. I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining & griping - too bad that doesn’t work. I
DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was, ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me
“not to say anything if you can’t say something nice,” I didn’t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those
new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was
still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So
when I hit the Lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home, you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.