okkkkkaaayyy. So right now it is hella awkward being here underneath the roof of a total of 10 family members. It is hard as shit right now, the back bone the glue the one that keeps everyone sane i think is having a nervous breakdown, no she is having one. I feel terrible because at this point I don't know what to say to her to make it better. She has expressed to me so many different emotions and so many tears have been have come down her face I don't think she has any more. What has been expressed to me are hurtful things that are nothing brand new, it's like going back in the past and thinking about everything that was done to her. It always starts when my grandma goes into the hospital and the fam never seems to let her know what's going on. So with this already knowing that this is going to happen why get distraught every time when this same situation occurs? It is so much that takes place in this period, she stops eating, staying up all night,started smoking again, lots of head movement, facial expressions :/ I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!! I feel like I need to leave from here