Torn

<p>So much is on my plate and I'm only 28. Two kids one 4 and the other 8. The 8 she is special her dad is in prison for 5 years for robbery lol whata dumb ass. He hasn't seen her since a month after her 1st birthday. What bothers me the most is she doesn't know, it feels like I'm holding this big secret from her. I married someone when I was 25 I thought it was the right move and I was going to be happy, but that ended up all wrong. Anger is our downfall to our marriage, I'm the complete opposite and that's how we collide. My four year old is by him and I see favoritism when it comes to him. My daughter knows it and it kills me inside, I tell him he does but all he does is deny it. I will never choose him over her,I'm all she has without her there is no me and without me there is no her. I cant make him have those feelings for her it is what it is. So I stay with my mom right now and me and him are separated. I needed him to go to counseling a few years back to try and save what we have,but he has only gone a couple times and never went more then two sessions. You know when something is not right with a person,and something isn't right. So I have been trying to stick it out 5 years and I'm still in the same spot. My grandma is a perfect example of a women who should have gotten out and never did. I could never be married to someone for 56 years and have them be mentally and physically abusive not gonna happen. I feel like I have tried hard to make it work but it hasn't got me any where. So on top of all that by me staying with my mom I have to hear her constantly complain about issues that she has which I don't mind listening but I never get a break from it. Then she is always throwing in her two cents about my kids and it drives me insane. I just wanna yell SHUT UP!!! But of course I will never disrespect my mother like that. I am going to school which is going pretty well I will have my degree in health care administration so I will be able to get a pretty nice job. That is one upside. :)&nbsp; right now I'm not making the money that I use to and it bothers me, a lot but something is better then nothing I'm grateful. My job is I work with my grandma and a lady that is 100 years old. Mary is a sweetheart. For her to be 100 she blows me away that women has lived a long and full filled life. My grandma is 73 and she is in a wheelchair. She doesn't walk by herself she is on all these medications, and she wears briefs. My grandma means everything to me but I get so depressed seeing her like that, she just let life pass by all because of the person she is married to. I'm trying my best to get her to walk again I see it doing it,but I think that I wanna see it more then she does. She is beautiful,smart, and very wise I want her to fight but I don't think she has it in her. Her kids are wrong including my mom nobody goes and visits her and only one out of all 6 call her. Its fucking pathetic it makes me sick. My grandma will give you the shirt off her back and they wont ever pick up the phone. It is lots of stress I'm trying to hold it together but I feel like little pieces are falling apart. I never would have thought my life would have been this way I expected more of myself and I feel like I let myself down. I know its not to late to change my life is can still do what I want, I just need for God to get me on track. I wish I could start over because I really would.