Really need to vent.

It's amazing how music can make your mood change just by hearing the first sound of the beat. I'm angry as hell right now, but I just put on pandora and check up on it by Beyonce is on. That song makes me feel like dancing and also makes me feel so sexy lol. So yeah I'm pissed and the reason is I let my guard down again with him again. I so feel like shooting myself in the face right now. But I'm not gotta start all over again and once again no better Erika when are you gonna learn things are never and will never be like how I want them to be, and that is because he doesn't want it to be. I know that I deserve better and I need somebody that can handle me, and his weak ass can't PERIOD!! This fool get's butt hurt over everything lmfao I'm like if I can't fuck around with you like that then I aint got no business being around you, that's just my personality sorry. I know what it is I'm hung up on having all this history and it sucks because I have known him since I was a kid. But I know that if he didn't know what to do with me then he defiantly don't know what to do with me now. Just slipped up I'm only human, and I'm always thinking with my heart instead of my brain which as we know which get's us in the most trouble. What I hate the most is that he knows that and he knows that he is my weak spot and he plays on that. I just have to be strong enough to know when it happens so I won't feel bad about it later like how I do now. I think the part that really aggravates me is that he is so quick to tell me "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" or "We just haven't had our timing yet" I mean really?? I have heard this for a long ass time so it is nothing, so I fired back with I never wanted to be in a serious relationship with you I already know that. So he get's butt hurt over that which I dunno why all I'm doing is clarifying what he originally said. So I dunno he just brings a lot of confusion and drama into things and I don't wanna deal with that, if I wanted all that I would date a chick. So a new year is coming up and that is a huge one that I need to work on think with my brain instead of my heart, because people don't give a shit about your heart, all they care about is what they want right then and there. And how I look at it how I feel about him needs to be left in the past, because it is past feelings and he let's me know every time that he doesn't care anything about me, if he did I wouldn't always feel like how I do every time he comes around. Hey I'm not angry any more guess I needed to write and listen to some music Cheers to the freakin weekend!!! Live it up E no worries I'll will always be good :)