Happy New Year!!!!

    So 2013 has come to an end and 2014 is finally here. So as we already know it's a new year a new start new goals and all that jazz. I'm looking forward to spending my time with my kiddos and doing more things with them. Because of work and other things that have gone on last year I really couldn't focus and put my all into them. So I want to make them happy and change it up a lot for them because I feel like they deserve it. I want to take them to Cali this year just me and them mommy and kid trip. I can do it!!!. I also wanna stay more focused on work and school. So far I'm doing great in both!!! So yaay Me!!!!!

Time to change up

Okay okay now I know this is every bodies new years resolution but I really want to get serious about getting myself together and in shape. My grandma passed away and she had a lot of health issues and diabetes was one of the things that she had. My grandma said don't wait she said that we should start now. And I just hear her saying that and I know that she would be very proud of me if I finally shed some weight. So I know it isn't going to be easy but I would like to make that life style change and actually do it. I wanna be around for my kiddos, and they would be proud of me too even though they love me any way. So the first of the year I will be in the gym I can do it, I wanna feel good and hey maybe this summer I can get me some cute ass shorts. :) Now don't get it twisted I still wanna be thick I just don't want so much jiggle I want some firmness in some areas. I don't think I'm meant to be skinny I honestly think I would look weird IJS.

Where is he??

"I fear that I'll all be waiting a lifetime for  love story that doesn't exist."

 
That's gonna be my first tatt that I get for the new year what do you think?? Since I was a little girl just like any other little girls I always wanted to find my prince charming. I mean like literally day dreamed about it. But it just hasn't come my way. I would like for someone just to love me so I can show them the love that I have because I have so much of it. God has been telling me to be patient and I really need to listen to him, he knows how I feel. I feel like he has someone really special for me I just gotta wait my turn like everyone one else did. But I hope that it will be that Barack and Michelle love and that Jay-z and Beyonce love, man it is unreal how much they love each other. That is what I want.

Really need to vent.

It's amazing how music can make your mood change just by hearing the first sound of the beat. I'm angry as hell right now, but I just put on pandora and check up on it by Beyonce is on. That song makes me feel like dancing and also makes me feel so sexy lol. So yeah I'm pissed and the reason is I let my guard down again with him again. I so feel like shooting myself in the face right now. But I'm not gotta start all over again and once again no better Erika when are you gonna learn things are never and will never be like how I want them to be, and that is because he doesn't want it to be. I know that I deserve better and I need somebody that can handle me, and his weak ass can't PERIOD!! This fool get's butt hurt over everything lmfao I'm like if I can't fuck around with you like that then I aint got no business being around you, that's just my personality sorry. I know what it is I'm hung up on having all this history and it sucks because I have known him since I was a kid. But I know that if he didn't know what to do with me then he defiantly don't know what to do with me now. Just slipped up I'm only human, and I'm always thinking with my heart instead of my brain which as we know which get's us in the most trouble. What I hate the most is that he knows that and he knows that he is my weak spot and he plays on that. I just have to be strong enough to know when it happens so I won't feel bad about it later like how I do now. I think the part that really aggravates me is that he is so quick to tell me "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" or "We just haven't had our timing yet" I mean really?? I have heard this for a long ass time so it is nothing, so I fired back with I never wanted to be in a serious relationship with you I already know that. So he get's butt hurt over that which I dunno why all I'm doing is clarifying what he originally said. So I dunno he just brings a lot of confusion and drama into things and I don't wanna deal with that, if I wanted all that I would date a chick. So a new year is coming up and that is a huge one that I need to work on think with my brain instead of my heart, because people don't give a shit about your heart, all they care about is what they want right then and there. And how I look at it how I feel about him needs to be left in the past, because it is past feelings and he let's me know every time that he doesn't care anything about me, if he did I wouldn't always feel like how I do every time he comes around. Hey I'm not angry any more guess I needed to write and listen to some music Cheers to the freakin weekend!!! Live it up E no worries I'll will always be good :)

Here I Go Again.

I dunno why I keep falling off my blogging but I sure do miss it. Well I guess I just don't have time but I'm going to make time for it from now on I just need the release. So I started going back to school I go to GCU and it is awesome. I'm going for my bachelors in health care administration. I figure I can do so much more with helping people in that area and the pay is awesome. I want to run a hospital one day like be a CEO doing big things, that's what my whole goal is. So far so good this is my third class and I have gotten two A's so far so yaay me!!! The kids are huge now 10 and 6 and yes I'm a proud momma the kids are awesome they have there moments but hey there kids :)  So as of December 3rd I have been single for 1 year. I haven't had any luck in the love department yet. I dunno dudes are hella weird now days kinda creepy lol. I dunno I would love to be with someone but I guess God is just letting me know it's not my time yet, so I figure I need to fill that void with something else until something else comes along. I wonder when that will be? I feel like I'm ready I day dream about me being happy with someone but it is so funny when I day dream I picture my self with Drake. Lmfao I know right me and like 50 billion other women, but hey a girl can dream right? I dunno would be nice or at least a knock off that's really nice just like him.  Well I will at least be blogging 3 maybe 4 times a week I miss it.

Derreck Burden

Remember the face because she no longer belongs to you.

So it happens again. Me not dealing with him for six years he comes back into my life and does the same shit that he did when we were young. I feel so stupid thinking that this dude has changed but he is still the biggest coward that i have always known him to be. How can you allow someone to be in your presence and they don't like your children? How can you look someone in the face that destroyed your property things that you worked hard for and she is just allowed back in like it is okay? It will be one of those things that i will never understand but I will not waste any of my time trying to figure it out. Over all of those years i always felt like I was never good enough because he always choose someone else over me and I was the one that would never hurt him and I loved him the most. But the thing is I know now that I'm to good for him that's what it all comes down to. He doesn't deserve someone like me I'm beautiful inside and out, funny,caring,genuine,helpful and loving  he deserves the trash that he runs into and that is no more of my concern. What he doesn't know is that I have gone through beyond pain and hurt and also being disrespected and I'm all grown up. And trust me those days of being that gullible googly eyed opened heart girl are so long ago, I'm a grown woman and he is not dealing with the same person. I can have anybody I want I can have better then him. Goodbye my first love it was nice knowing you but there is bigger and better and I'm just getting started.  

The big game is finally here can't wait got the food,beer and we are ready to go!!!! Lets go Ravens!!!!!!!!

Today we got the best new!!!! Get this so there is this contest that TMZ has and they are looking for a family that wants to go to Hollywood. And we actually got a email back today and they wanted pics of everybody and more information on what we want to do in Hollywood.It's so exciting to even be considered. Very awesome keeping my fingers crossed we never know what God has in store for us!

Sandy Hook Hmmmm

Sandy Hook what's really going on? I don't  understand just like everyone else is trying to put together the pieces of this tragic story. You tube has some crazy ass footage of this story and the parents and it is something else. This would really be some bull shit if this was all a sick game being played. I'm starting to believe that this video is true so many holes in the story. I'm starting to think that the people and the kids aren't even dead. It's so weird, think about it if this is just a little hoax that went down just within the city or even the state how would the rest of the world know what really happened?? And something else I realized is they only had two funerals out of all the kids that died were are the other people at? Some strange shit but the truth will come out about all of it, it always does :/